Professional Guess-Work

Every couple-three nights, I get inspired to do a “Cold Reading.” What is this, exactly?

I pull some tarot cards or a Somniscript glyph or listen to what my invisible friends are telling me, and I post it. I have no idea who the reading is for. Invariably, a few people will respond: “Oh my god, you’re talking about ME!”

Of course I am! If what I pull out of the aether has to do with you, then YES I’m talking about you! If it helps, so much the better. I like to help. I am Helpy McHelperton.

Make no mistake, though. There are plenty of so-called “psychics” who have a dubious talent for making people believe that they receive very specific messages from beyond from loved ones who have passed through the veil, or Angels who have an urgent message, or other such claptrap. This is real Cold Reading, and I hope YOU’VE never fallen for it.

(To be honest, my own Angels usually get in touch to send pictures of each other photo-bombing in the garden in my home dimension, or to let me know what they had for dinner, or to report on who’s poking whom in the ear.)

What I and my esteemed colleagues do (as opposed to the un-esteemed ones) is glorified counseling. It’s still “magic” — this takes nothing away from the metaphysical mysteries of assisting another soul to navigate through life. Hey, I’ve seen astrology charts and tarot readings that simply cannot be explained away by coincidence or gullibility. This stuff works.

But it takes work, too, on both sides. Are you desperately trying to contact someone in another dimension? Well, I probably don’t know that person. Chances are, I wouldn’t be able to recognize them from a bowl of Mac & Cheez in all that ectoplasm out there. Neither can Mr. or Ms. Super TV Psychic Friend. (This falls under the “If It’s Too Good to be True…” law.)

You know who CAN reach them, though?

That’s right. You. You know them. You have a connection with them. You share memories, emotions, dreams. We’re all “psychic,” in a sense, and you don’t need a courier. You just need to know how to freakin’ LISTEN.

Now I want Mac & Cheez. Dammit.

Dear Angels, please send me pictures of Mac & Cheez.

One thought on “Professional Guess-Work

  1. Pingback: Quit Feckin’ About | Reverend J. Variable X/0

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