Quit Feckin’ About

cr-20150624For tonight’s Cold Reading, I pulled a couple of cards from my old faithful Rider-Waite deck. The first thing to show up is the Nine of Cups — someone’s wish is about to come true!

This card means that everything is all set to go your way. As long as you’re not asking for anything ridiculously out of the bounds of possibility, IT WILL HAPPEN. The whole Universe is on your side. Don’t ruin this.

But what’s this? The Ace of Swords, reversed. Do you even know what you want? I bet you do. You’ve been given the keys — now you just have to quit worrying about what everyone ELSE wants, and lock in your choice.

Finally, Judgement reversed suggests a holding pattern: one that you’ve created, due to your own insecurities, uncertainties, and lack of direction. You’re your own worst block at this point. Quit waiting for the Universe to tell you what to do. The Universe is waiting for you to tell IT what to do.

It’s kind of like that old non-argument: “Where do you want to go to eat?” “I don’t know, wherever.” “You pick.” “No, YOU pick.”

SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST PICK before we start eating each other.

Make. A. Decision. Then go with it. It will work out!

Rise and Sign

You know your Sun sign. (Right?) Everyone fits neatly into one of 12 pigeon-holes which define your entire personality and make it easy for newspapers to print perfectly accurate 3-line horoscopes that you can rely on to tell you exactly what your day will be like…

rising-sign…Or not.

Because you’re so much more than your Sun sign. The Sun is important, sure: its position in your chart is a like a huge lens that collects all the other planets’ energy and focuses it in one place. It’s your conscious mind, your general outlook, the outline that you get to color in. But there are a lot of subtleties involved. 12 simple categories do not define everyone in the world. Your chart is as unique as a fingerprint.

So, do you know your Rising Sign? Also called the “Ascendant,” this is the zodiac constellation which was coming up over the eastern horizon at the moment you were born. This sign rules the 1st House, which is the segment of the chart that defines the “Self.” It’s like a filter between you and the outside world: it shapes your perspectives and the personality you project.

The Ascendant is just as important as the Sun sign when it comes to defining your personality, and when a powerful planet is transiting through this sign, your entire life is affected.

For example: I’m a Sagittarius. (Actually I’m an Ophiucus, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.) Sagittarius is all about adventure and travel and spiritual philosophy and new experiences. Wheeeeeeee!

However, I’ve got Virgo rising. This means that I want to be a pirate and an astronaut and a rock star and a messiah, but first I have to finish organizing my books according to the new and improved Dewey Decimal System that I invented.

Ooh! An adventure! I must create a new database to catalog each photo and journal entry so that I may easily cross-reference them with previous escapades.

And that’s just the 1st House. There are 12 Houses in a chart, defining everything from family to romance to money to careers to karma. Every sign influences every chart in one way or another, along with the planets and a peanut gallery of asteroids, Nodes, aspects, and ever-changing daily transits.

So when you say “I’m a (insert sign here), but I don’t FEEEEEL like a (insert sign here), and my free horoscopes are never right,” that doesn’t mean astrology is bunk.* It means that you should take a look at your whole chart in order to see where all that other energy is coming from.
*That, too, is a post for another time.

Cold Reading: You’re going to be ok, just DO SOMETHING

Ohhhhhh let’s do a 4am Cold Reading. I’m tired of Tarot, though. Tonight I’m going to draw from my own divination tools: the Somniscript glyphs.

cr-20150613Wow. Now, this is why I love Somniscript. We start out with the entire Multiverse itself, and I’ve covered it with a Door. Whoever you are, reality is yours to command. You just need to grow a pair and take the responsibility: step through the door. This means leaving some things behind. It means entering the unknown — but it’s not really “unknown,” is it? It’s just “unexperienced…YET.” In an infinite multiverse, anything is possible.

I also drew a token from my Mystical Bag of Mojo Dreamy Things. Here we have a Trefoil. The three-leaved clover is a protective herb (not quite as lucky as its four-leaved sibling, but still a positive symbol). Numerologically, this also bears the powerful ACTION of the number 3. So, do you have what it takes to break out of the old boring familiar patterns and carry on under your own power? Start building.

What? It’s not possible? Who says? Screw them. If you can imagine it, then it already exists on some plane of reality. Bring it here and let’s see it. I dare ya.

Professional Guess-Work

Every couple-three nights, I get inspired to do a “Cold Reading.” What is this, exactly?

I pull some tarot cards or a Somniscript glyph or listen to what my invisible friends are telling me, and I post it. I have no idea who the reading is for. Invariably, a few people will respond: “Oh my god, you’re talking about ME!”

Of course I am! If what I pull out of the aether has to do with you, then YES I’m talking about you! If it helps, so much the better. I like to help. I am Helpy McHelperton.

Make no mistake, though. There are plenty of so-called “psychics” who have a dubious talent for making people believe that they receive very specific messages from beyond from loved ones who have passed through the veil, or Angels who have an urgent message, or other such claptrap. This is real Cold Reading, and I hope YOU’VE never fallen for it.

(To be honest, my own Angels usually get in touch to send pictures of each other photo-bombing in the garden in my home dimension, or to let me know what they had for dinner, or to report on who’s poking whom in the ear.)

What I and my esteemed colleagues do (as opposed to the un-esteemed ones) is glorified counseling. It’s still “magic” — this takes nothing away from the metaphysical mysteries of assisting another soul to navigate through life. Hey, I’ve seen astrology charts and tarot readings that simply cannot be explained away by coincidence or gullibility. This stuff works.

But it takes work, too, on both sides. Are you desperately trying to contact someone in another dimension? Well, I probably don’t know that person. Chances are, I wouldn’t be able to recognize them from a bowl of Mac & Cheez in all that ectoplasm out there. Neither can Mr. or Ms. Super TV Psychic Friend. (This falls under the “If It’s Too Good to be True…” law.)

You know who CAN reach them, though?

That’s right. You. You know them. You have a connection with them. You share memories, emotions, dreams. We’re all “psychic,” in a sense, and you don’t need a courier. You just need to know how to freakin’ LISTEN.

Now I want Mac & Cheez. Dammit.

Dear Angels, please send me pictures of Mac & Cheez.